My analyst says the maximum efficacious dose of the antidepressant Pristiq is only 100 mg., so she added back Wellbutrin, but I still feel depressed enough to feel, want, and do absolutely nothing. Stare and think, but not write.
But at least the electric is still on. That’s all I can hold on to.
First $2 bill issued in 1862 as a Legal Tender Note (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
The last six months have been one crisis after another, none of which are over yet. I live day to day and hand to mouth to bowl (toilet, that is) pretty much. The lights are only on until the 18th and I have no prospective income to pay the bill. My severely mentally disabled roommate is of great moral support, a valuable commodity I have yet to be able to use as legal tender, unfortunately.
But, somehow, in my head things are looking up. I just know the money will come (and of course it probably won’t) and that I’ll be able to find a place for the two of us that includes utilities and I can afford on SSI in time. That deadline is July 1st. Is it only the medication? Is it the beginnings of a manic episode? Stay tuned. I’ll take pictures for you, wherever appropriately lurid. God bless everybody (metaphorically speaking, of course),
English: A sustainable 46-unit mentally disabled housing project in Santa Monica. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
… and make it the best weekend of your life!
Your inbox: OCCUPIED. News and calls to action from #OccupyWallStreet in NYC for the week of June 6
OWS is in constant motion, which is why it is so valuable to stop sometimes and savor our victories. This is a particularly fruitful time to do just that:
And have we mentioned that even Governor Cuomo is pushing to reform ‘stop-and-frisk’?
All our grievances are indeed connected, making these victories for the 99% at large! Enjoy them.
Occupy These Upcoming Events
Wednesday, June 6th, 530pm
March To Call on the SEC to Investigate Jamie Dimon
Liberty Plaza
On the anniversary of the founding of the SEC, Occupy the SEC and Alternative Banking are holding a march calling on the SEC to investigate Jamie Dimon, Chairman and CEO of JP Morgan Chase, under Sarbanes-Oxley and refer the case the the Department of Justice for prosecution.
Wednesday, June 6, 8pm
Casseroles Night in Canada – in NYC! Part 2
Washington Square Park
Starting at 8PM, people all over are showing solidarity with the Quebec student strike and the popular uprising in Quebec against Law 78 and the Charest government by banging pots and pans everywhere! This Casseroles Night will be bigger, louder, and rowdier than previous versions we have held. Performances from The People’s Staged will begin at 6PM and will join the Casseroles’ march at 8PM helping to produce the needed momentum for an American fight over student debt in the Fall.
Thursday, June 7, 11am
Forgive Us Our Trespass – Speak Truth to Power
Liberty Square
This is a public witness to remind all land-rich religious institutions that their faith calls their loyalty to those among God’s people who are at the losing end of economic disparity, not to the powerful 1% or to their own self-interest. Chris Hedges and Fr. Daniel Berrigan will speak in relation to the upcoming jury trial of Bishop George Packard and others. Occupy Catholics will hold a planning meeting for further pre-trial actions following this event..
Friday, June 9, 630pm
Race, Gender, Power and Privilege at Occupy Wall Street
Liberty Plaza
No one will deny that racism exists in our society, but what’s not so clear is the depth of its presence within the Occupy Wall Street Movement. Everything from the lack of diversity in this movement to the framing of questions, structures and culture has often been called into question by De-colonization Movement as well as neighborhood GAs within New York City. Join us in discussing actionable plans to address these issues and move forward as a movement.
Saturday, June 10, All Day
Body Autonomy Bike Rides
see event listing for location information
The OWS Bike Coalition invites you to a joyous and liberating protest calling for the State, Police, and the Church to keep their hands off our bodies. The ride takes place in solidarity with the World Naked Bike Ride. Feel free to come as dressed or bare as you dare. Creative costuming is also highly encouraged.
Saturday, June 10, 5pm
Student and Youth Assembly – How do we form a cohesive student movement for the fall?
60 Wall Street
What issues are facing NYC students that would get them mobilized in the Fall? What sort of tactics would be best utilized in a student movement? What are the end goals for this movement? All this will be discussed at the first official citywide organizational meeting hosted by NYC Infinite Strike Marches.
Sunday, June 10, noon
Debt and Education: Building a Political Movement
Washington Square Park
Last week the Free University, Occupy Student Debt Campaign, and Occupy Theory hosted an Assembly, entitled “Debt and Education: Building a Political Movement.” We will be continuing the discussion this Sunday focusing on exploring next steps in making debt and debt strike a central piece of a political movement. You can read our notes on our first assembly here: http://bit.ly/KL5LeD.
Sunday, June 10, 3pm
NYC Debtor’s Assembly
Washington Square Park
This will be the first in a regular series of Debtors Assemblies this summer. We invite you to come and connect with others struggling with debt and debt-related issues. Share your experience, learn about the history of debt and debt struggles, and be part of the making of a Debtor’s Resistance Movement!
Sunday, June 10, 7pm
Forgive Us Our Trespass – Praying Truth to Power
Duarte Square, Canal Street and 6th Avenue
Vesper service the night before the jury trial of Bishop George Packard and others. We ask Rev. Cooper and Trinity Church to listen to the Gospel mandate of forgiveness, to drop all charges against those who trespassed on the lot at 6th and Canal, and reconsider use of the empty lot.
Sunday, June 10th, 7pm
OWS Arts Cluster
The Commons, 388 Atlantic Avenue, Brooklyn
Join us for this opportunity to share information, resources, grievances and sympathies among the creative community of OWS and help strengthen all of our participation in the huge work at hand. The last cluster was attended by members of 20+ creative projects from the occupy universe, as well as OWS sympathetic creative who wanted to get plugged in.
Save the Dates
This Week’s Featured Occu-Project
Occupy The SEC
Occupy the SEC submitted a 325 page letter to the SEC, FDIC, the Federal Reserve and the OCC, to comment on the notice of proposed rulemaking for the Volcker Rule. In our comment letter, we answered 244 out of 395 questions asked by the Agencies.
The Agencies involved in the Volcker rulemaking process have an historic opportunity to redress many of the economic wrongs of the past, and create a future that privileges the interests of the many rather than the few. We ask that the Agencies vigorously implement the considerable responsibilities that have been discharged to them by Congress, remain faithful to the statute’s intent and consider the comments contained in this letter.
Want to get involved? You can co-sign the letter by signing this petition on change.org, and sign up for the Occupy The SEC mailing list. Questions? Want to reach us? Email occupythesec (at) gmail (dot) com.
Connect. Collaborate. Contribute.
Every Wednesday, 4pm
The People’s Gong
This Wednesday, and every Wednesday thereafter, we call on all people to join Occupy Wall Street in ringing the People’s Gong on Wall Street. We invite all working groups to re-connect and re-occupy Liberty Park with us.
Saturday June 9, 12pm
Summer Disobedience School
Bryant Park, 42nd Street and 6th Avenue
The OWS Direct Action Group is launching Summer Disobedience School. We’ve completed Spring Training – and we’re moving and communicating in the streets like never before.
Read more about our curriculum, download a workbook, and join the fun all summer long!
Daily #OccupyUnionSq Info Table, 9am – 9pm
@OWSUnionSquare
Every day Occupy Union Square has an info table open and staffed, acting as a hub to promote the constant flurry of events and meetings occurring in the park and across OWS. Click here to find out how you can help out with immediate needs of the Union Square occupiers to keep it running and growing.
Help Keep the Newsletters coming…
The OWS Newsletter team is currently in need of new people who can help research and collect event details according to the process established as documented on our wiki. Any OWS activist can join the Newsletter team by participating in our meetings and carrying out production tasks. Please email us at newsletter (at) occupywallstreet (dot) net to plug in.
For Text Message alerts on your cellphone about daily events, actions, and important information, sign up for the ComHub SMS blasts by texting @owscom to 23559.
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Medication can be a beautiful thing. Whether it’s mostly placebo effect or not, the ability of a pill to change our worldview is almost magical – or, at least, it would be if we didn’t think we knew how it worked. We don’t, of course, know exactly how any of the antidepressants actually make it easier for people crippled by despair to function with the same normal ups and downs the un-afflicted have. Whatever. All I know is that when I got to 200 mg./day Pristiq started working for me. I feel as though I’ve missed the last four months completely, but the next four should be good. I finally couldn’t settle my differences with the electric company, so I have to move (hopefully it won’t be far; I just started getting to know my neighbors and they’re actually pretty cool!), and that sucks. My last month’s rent is my deposit, so I don’t have a deposit to move with, and my check on the 1st will have to be my month’s rent. I’ll have to pay off the deposit slowly at the new place; that sucks, too. Truth is, if it wasn’t for Alex I’d be terrified right now, but I keep telling myself at least I’m not alone, you know? For now, that and the pills is enough. Please cross your fingers for us, and now go be happy.
Melencolia I. Print of Albrecht Dürer (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
1997 Bentley Brooklands R Mulliner Photographed by Jagvar at the Rolls-Royce Owners' Club's national meet in Darien, Connecticut on July 30, 2005. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Holiday-Depression-2010 (Photo credit: Hallicious)
Whew! (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Whew! I can’t believe it, but the electricity is still on…FPL actually gave us until May 7th, which should be more than time enough to get a commitment from LIHEAP to cover it. I’ve had all these insistent, persistent alarm bells going off in my head since January; could they have caused the sudden worsening of my depression that started around that time?
Probably not. The brain is weird. Whatever it feels it tries to explain, usually blaming external factors…in other words: usually the brain is wrong. We attribute our emotions to the actions of others, to the actions of supernatural agents (‘God,” etc.), or even to imaginary forces like ‘luck’ or ‘fate.’ For the Bipolar person, mood changes are almost completely unrelated to the outside world. That said, does hardship, economic and otherwise, make the depressed person feel even worse?
Well…yeah, of course it does. A member of the Gucci clan was quoted in an interview saying that she “would rather cry in a Rolls Royce than laugh on a bicycle”. An Italian court later had her committed against her will to a psych ward, where she was said to enjoy crying at meals and laughing during games of Backgammon. (Okay, not really, but the quote was accurate, and it leads to my point. The depressed person will always have something or someone – imaginary or not – to project that sadness onto : whether in a Bentley, or on a bike, we’re equally miserable.)
Still, I have to wonder: would I be any less depressed if I weren’t a complete failure with no future, or do I feel like a complete failure with no future because I’m depressed?
Could it be both?
The Waiting Room / Melancholia Tableau (Photo credit: Topeka & Shawnee County Public Library)
I have been more and more depressed over the course of the last few months. After I attempted to pull a ‘Whitney’ (the morbid and so-soon-it’s-just-plain-wrong new street name for the combination of Xanax and Alcohol originally reported to have killed the beautiful and tragic late singer Whitney Houston…as if you didn’t know) on last Sunday, my roomie had me “Baker Acted” ( I think it’s just a Florida thing), and I finally changed one of my meds from Wellbutrin SR to Pristiq. I feel better already, even though I know it’s just a placebo effect since these things take time to kick in. I hope the improvements continue, in which case I will return to this blog thingie more regularly…as before. Until then, if you like you can check the SHOEBOX page; I never stop scribbling.
busy…having a ‘nervous breakdown,’ mostly, I guess. where’ve you been?
